Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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