he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
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You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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