so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize