He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Everclear isn't food dammit
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize