My friends, they love my intelligence
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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