cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize