dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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