he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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