Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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