pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I will be naked everywhere
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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