either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
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I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
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Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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