im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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