we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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