I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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