matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
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We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
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Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just want nice things and good sex
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My vagina is very pro this idea
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