i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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