first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize