Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
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For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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