Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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