my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize