so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
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Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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