Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
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When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
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well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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