Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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