I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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