We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
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Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
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I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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