yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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