i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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