your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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