Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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