I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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