My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
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He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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