I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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