I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize