he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I need to align my fucking chakras
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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