Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
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I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
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Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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