I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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