i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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