apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize