If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize