are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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