grandma shit on top of the toilet
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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