the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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