Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
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Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
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Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize