I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
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So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
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I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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