In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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