i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
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Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
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i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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