I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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