If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We left the knife in your bed.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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