So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
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I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
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Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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