remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
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Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
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Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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